Lanxiang Diploma
Old Liu has been working at his company for almost ten years. He hasn't been promoted, nor has he gotten a raise, but he has developed a "highway" on his hairline. He feels like a screw, fastened in some corner of a huge machine, humming monotonously day after day. Recently, the company launched a "skills certification," ostensibly to "improve the comprehensive quality of employees," but in reality, it was preparing for "downsizing and elimination."
Old Liu isn't worried. He's a Tsinghua master's graduate, a top scorer in the college entrance exam back in the day. He's confident that this certification will impress the leaders. However, the subjects of the certification are baffling: excavator operation, car repair, and cooking skills. Old Liu is dumbfounded. He majored in computer science, so he's good at coding, but wielding a wrench is beyond him.
"What's wrong, Old Liu? You graduated from Tsinghua, so these little skills shouldn't be a problem," said Wang Jie from the HR department, looking at Old Liu with a meaningful smile.
Old Liu chuckled awkwardly. He thought, well, when you're under someone else's roof, you have to lower your head. He started cramming excavator operation videos and pored over car repair manuals late into the night. His colleagues couldn't help but laugh at his old-dog-trying-to-learn-new-tricks demeanor. Old Liu was too lazy to explain and focused on studying.
On the day of the exam, Old Liu operated the excavator, trembling and shaking, and managed to dig a "pitiful" shape in the ground. The car repair was even more disastrous; he even put the oil in the wrong place. The only thing he felt okay about was the cooking, where he barely managed to make some "dark cuisine."
The results were out, and Old Liu unsurprisingly failed, and at the bottom of the list at that. Wang Jie, holding his transcript, had a strange look on her face: "Old Liu, your results... well, not very satisfactory."
Old Liu's heart sank. He thought this was the end.
"However," Wang Jie changed her tone, "given your positive attitude and... uh... your display of our company's determination for diversified development, we've decided to make an exception and award you a 'Lanxiang Technical School Diploma'."
Old Liu was stunned. Looking at the gold-stamped "Lanxiang Technical School Diploma," he felt his world was collapsing. What was this? A Tsinghua master's graduate, after ten years, ends up with a Lanxiang diploma?
Wang Jie patted him on the shoulder and said meaningfully, "Old Liu, don't be discouraged. With skills, you can go anywhere! Society is developing fast, and versatile talents are in demand!"
Old Liu held the diploma and walked downstairs. The wind was a little strong, making his face hurt. He looked at the towering office building and then at the diploma in his hand, and he suddenly laughed. His laughter grew louder, attracting the attention of passersby.
He thought, isn't this absurd? Working hard for ten years, he finally realized that he couldn't even operate an excavator properly, yet he got a certification in "excavator technology." The world is truly interesting.
He took out his phone and posted on his WeChat Moments:
"Tsinghua master's graduate, happily receives a Lanxiang diploma, thanks to the company's cultivation! If anyone needs an excavator repaired, please call me!"
Instantly, there were dozens of comments:
"Old Liu, you've finally let your true self out!"
"Old Liu, you're hilarious, you've made me laugh so hard!"
"Old Liu, let's go for skewers tonight to celebrate your new skill!"
Old Liu looked at the comments and then at the diploma in his hand, laughing even harder. He felt that the world might be crazy, and he finally found a reason to make fun of himself. Perhaps, in such an absurd world, maintaining optimism is a kind of high-level "rebellion."
The next day, Old Liu found a new task list on his desk, which read:
"Please assist new employees in learning excavator operation."