67 posts tagged with "Satire"

When Old Wang walked into the "Step by Step Higher" clinic, his heart was pounding. At a height of one meter sixty-eight, it had become the biggest obstacle in his life. Failed blind dates, setbacks at work, even the dancing grannies in the community would look at him with eyes that seemed to say, "How can you be so short?" He gritted his teeth and decided to try this unconventional method of "bone lengthening."

The clinic was decorated in a luxurious and glittering style, more like a high-end club than a hospital. The receptionist had a sweet smile, addressing him with "sir" at every turn, making Old Wang feel lightheaded. He was led into a small room where a doctor in a white coat was waiting for him. The doctor was young, wearing wire-rimmed glasses, looking refined and scholarly.

"Sigh, failed again." Zhang Wei sighed softly, looking at herself in the mirror.

"Another day full of energy!" Zhang Qiang muttered to himself, facing the company mascot on his computer screen – a gear always smiling. His company, "Efficiency First," had recently implemented a "Flexible Work System PLUS," which was beautifully named "Time Freedom, Efficiency First."

The core of this system was "invisible overtime": employees could handle work at any time as long as they completed their tasks on time. The company no longer had clear working hours; employees could use their own time to work. To encourage everyone to join, the company also launched an app called "Time Bank," which could record employees' working hours and give corresponding "time coin" rewards, which could be exchanged for goods in the company's welfare mall.

　　Old Li had been feeling that something was off lately.

　　It started with the way his colleagues looked at him, a mix of awe, envy, and a hint of barely perceptible fear. It was as if they were looking at a lucky guy who'd suddenly gotten a promotion and raise, and yet also like they were looking at a ticking time bomb. Old Li was just a regular programmer, coding diligently every day. His only hobby was having a bowl of steaming hot beef noodles at a small stall near his neighborhood entrance after work.

Old Wang's greatest pleasure after retirement was flushing the toilet every morning. His toilet wasn't an ordinary one, but a high-tech smart toilet that could automatically detect the composition of human excrement and record daily health data. Old Wang felt this thing was more reliable than his good-for-nothing son.

Today, a bright red warning flashed on the toilet's display screen: "Solid waste exceeded, please clean immediately." Old Wang frowned, wondering if he had an upset stomach from something he ate last night. He pressed the flush button, and the toilet emitted a muffled hum, but the water seemed blocked and refused to go down.

Old Li was a senior employee of the "Color Analysis Department," or rather, a former senior employee. He was responsible for analyzing the color changes of phone screenshots, the company's most important business. Since the iOS18 update, phone screenshots gradually turn redder with usage time, and the depth of the red color is actually linked to an employee's "contribution value." The deeper the red, the faster the promotion, and the bigger the bonus.

When Old Li first joined the company, he thought it was a stupid rule. He tried to find the logic behind it, but was told, "Logic? Isn't this technological progress? Who can explain quantum mechanics? Just accept it." He wanted to argue, but seeing his colleagues frantically taking screenshots, he swallowed his words.

"Team Leader Li, the weekly report?"

I looked up and saw the intern, Xiao Zhang, standing timidly in front of my desk. His eyes were fixed on the ominous red patch on my screen, as if staring at a piece of bleeding meat.

Before retirement, Lao Li was an accountant at a factory, adept at the abacus. After retiring, he became addicted to the internet. Not for news or chatting, but for enthusiastically “reconciling accounts” in various forums. Not really for money, but for the pleasure of precise, error-free numbers. He often said, "This world is full of fluff, only numbers are real."

Recently, he became engrossed in reconciling accounts with a group of American netizens. It began with several mysterious lists of goods, with a mix of items ranging from Chinese tea to American coffee, and prices in both RMB and USD, like a large global trade mystery box. Most of these netizens were Americans. Lao Li guessed they were probably from the finance industry, very sensitive to numbers.

“Add episodes! Add episodes! Add episodes!”

On Little Li's computer screen, the barrage was filled with the words “add episodes,” so dense that it seemed to burst the screen.

Old Wang has recently become obsessed with "inner strength" courses.

It started when the company organized a "corporate culture" training session. The main speaker was a so-called spiritual mentor, who spoke eloquently on the stage: “People with inner strength should have a positive attitude, embrace change, not be afraid of challenges, and dare to take responsibility...”